I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been told, “It’s not what you said—it’s how you said it.”

That phrase is the shield many in the Black Church raise when they’re confronted with uncomfortable truth. I know because I grew up in it. My grandfather was a pastor until I was eleven, so church was the center of my life. But as I got older, I realized the preaching was rarely centered on the gospel. The pulpit thundered against racism, inequality, and “the struggle”—but barely whispered about sin, repentance, the cross, or the resurrection.

Eventually, I walked away—not from Jesus, but from a church culture that had exchanged the Bread of Life for crumbs of cultural rhetoric. And when I tried to speak up about it, I was labeled harsh, judgmental, even unloving. Why? Because my tone didn’t stroke ears.

Here’s the problem: when “tone” becomes the measure of truth, we’re no longer submitting to Scripture—we’re policing comfort levels. Paul didn’t tell Timothy to tiptoe. He said:

“Preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” (2 Timothy 4:2, ESV)

Reproof is not supposed to sound like a bedtime lullaby. Rebuke is not meant to stroke egos. God’s Word confronts, cuts, and convicts. Hebrews 4:12 says the Word is “sharper than any two-edged sword.” Swords don’t soothe—they pierce.

This obsession with tone is a distraction tactic. It shifts attention away from the truth being spoken and makes the hearer the victim of “tone violence.” But Jesus didn’t promise His truth would always sound sweet. In fact, in John 6, when His words got too hard, many of His disciples walked away. Did He apologize for His tone? No. He turned to the twelve and asked, “Do you want to go away as well?”

The real question is not, “Do I like the way this truth was said?” The real question is, “Does this truth line up with God’s Word?”

Tone may comfort you, but only truth will save you.