One of the biggest problems I see in both the Black church and the wider Black community is our habit of dismissing uncomfortable truth by focusing on how it was delivered. We call it “harsh,” “too direct,” or “not loving enough.” But let’s be honest: most of the time, that’s just tone policing.

Tone policing is when we ignore the content of a message because the tone makes us uncomfortable. It’s easier to pick apart the delivery than to face the conviction.

But here’s the reality:

  • The prophets didn’t sugarcoat (Jeremiah 6:14, Isaiah 58:1).
  • Jesus Himself often spoke in ways that offended (Matthew 15:12).
  • Paul asked, “Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?” (Galatians 4:16).

God never required His messengers to soften sin until it feels safe. He requires truth spoken plainly so that hearts can be cut to repentance.

And this isn’t just a church problem. In our community at large, we see the same pattern:

  • When someone calls out the destruction caused by abortion, fatherlessness, or sexual immorality, we shut down the conversation by saying, “They could have said it nicer.”
  • When a pastor preaches against sin, people accuse him of being judgmental instead of examining their own hearts.
  • When truth comes from outside voices, we dismiss it as “tone-deaf” or “anti-Black,” instead of asking whether the criticism actually lines up with reality.

But when we focus on tone over truth, three things happen:

  1. Sin stays hidden. Our people keep hurting because we refuse correction.
  2. The messenger is attacked. Instead of repenting, we cancel the one who dared to speak.
  3. Repentance is delayed. Conviction is uncomfortable, but without it, there’s no turning back to God.

The Bible warns us: “For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions” (2 Timothy 4:3).

Family, we’ve got to stop demanding that truth come wrapped in sugar. Real love doesn’t coddle sin. Real love tells the truth—even if it cuts. And real repentance will never happen as long as we hide behind “tone” as an excuse.

Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Sometimes the wound is exactly what saves your life.

So whether in the pews or in the streets, let’s stop tone policing and start asking: What is God calling me to repent of right now?